I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time now. My hope in sharing my story is that it may resonate and help someone going through the exact same thing. From someone who has been there, I know the denial, confusion, fear, and loneliness that comes from an unexpected pregnancy. But I also know the overwhelming joy that comes in the end. And to me, it is worth it.
The story starts with my relationship with Casey.
We met spring of my freshman year of college in Pavs: a cheap, dirty freshman hangout bar. Casey was (and still is) a charming, witty handsome guy who immediately caught my attention. We talked, flirted, and really hit it off. It only took him almost 2 more years to officially land me as his girlfriend. I blame 80% on my scared indecisive self, and 20% on his immaturity at the time lol.
If y’all are interested, I can write a more detailed post about Casey and I’s story separately, but a long story short we didn’t start officially dating until October 2019. Casey was my first boyfriend!
Flash forward to March of 2020 – my junior year of college. I had just returned back to my college town of Columbia, SC from our Spring Break trip to Florida (a very important week in this story if ya know what I mean). The pandemic was starting to grow bigger and scarier as more and more cases arose in different states. The University of South Carolina extended spring break another week due to the chaos of this new virus. Soon after, the nationwide quarantine was issued and I returned home to be with my family. Little did I know I was pregnant.‘
The first few weeks at home were great. I felt great, I worked out every morning, I ate well, and even had the occasional drink.
But something was off. I knew something was off. I had missed my period for a few days which never happened. I wasn’t on birth control, but my periods were SUPER regular. I mentioned missing my period to Casey and he asked me to take a pregnancy test…
My first thought was, “What??? No, I’m not pregnant. I’m probably just stressed about the coronavirus and school.”
On April 9th, I went over to Casey’s college house and took my first ever pregnancy test. Those 3 minutes to wait for the results felt like hours. Soon, we see the one line which means NOT PREGNANT. What a relief, we thought. We hugged for so long and vowed to be way safer.
It was Easter Sunday, April 12th, that I started to feel off. I barely had an appetite and my stomach was super upset after I ate dinner. That next week it only got worse. I was so incredibly nauseous all day everyday. The only time I would leave my bed was to go to the bathroom. My mom would bring me crackers and soup and I’d sometimes eat it on the floor of my bathroom thinking I was going to get sick.
I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I didn’t even entertain the idea of pregnancy because the test was negative… right? I convinced myself I had IBS and was having a flare up, or that I was so anxious about the coronavirus it was making me fatigued and nauseous. I even wondered if I was depressed. I had no energy and never wanted to leave my bed; my morale was so low. I just wanted to know why I was feeling so horrible.
I remember thinking that getting outside and going on a walk would MAYBE make me feel better. I couldn’t even make it up the hill of my street without having to stop. I was so out of breath. Even walking up the stairs to my room I had to stop halfway to catch my breath. I was convinced something was seriously wrong with me.
It was when my mom asked me if I had taken a pregnancy test that it really hit me. When your mom thinks you’re pregnant… you might really be pregnant. I told her we did and it was negative!!! She told me I should take another to be sure.
On April 20th, 2020, I asked my older sister to buy me another pregnancy test from the store. I didn’t tell anyone besides her I was taking this one. I went to the bathroom, peed on the stick, and put it face down on the counter to wait for the results. I then went to my bed, curled up into a little ball, and texted my sister to come in and look at the results.
I was shaking. I thought, this one really could be positive… but no? I already took a test and it was negative?
My sister came in and went to the bathroom. She picked up the test, KNOWING it would be negative. Her face of shock and fear said it all.
“Courtney, it says pregnant.”
*part 2 will be posted tomorrow! This will include:
- My reaction
- Casey’s reaction
- My parent’s reaction
- And a reflection on it all & words of encouragement 🙂
Stay Well,
Courtney
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